Face-eating

I’ve always wondered why faces are so tasty.

As a little explanation, I saw Cowboys and Aliens yesterday. I had fun, but it wasn’t all that great as a movie, for a number of different reasons. The protagonist appeared to have had his personality surgically removed along with his memories at first, though perhaps I’m just not a fan of dour cowboys. As it grew back in, I liked him more. We also indulged in a bit of “I Have Something Important to Tell You” which results in scenes like this:

Character with a Knowing Expression: I need to talk to you.
Clueless Hero: What?
CwaKE: It’s very important.
CH: Um…I don’t know you, so I’m not going to take your word for that. Who are you?
CwaKE: That’s not important. What’s important is that I have an important thing to tell you. That’s important. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.
CH: Dude, you’re creepy. Go away.
CwaKE: No, you must listen to me! About the important thing! Because I know lots of important things, and I want to tell you!
Audience: COULD HAVE FOOLED ME.
*gun fight breaks out, CH is dragged away from CwaKE*

JUST TELL HIM. You have thirty seconds with the hero, so cut the “I have something to tell you” and just start shouting pertinent facts as quickly as possible! In this case, the CwaKE was hiding something, but you’d think she could have come up with a cover story she could shout at great speed instead.

But I digress.

I want to know why faces are tasty. This will be a slight spoiler, so bail if you’re worried about that kind of thing, but the aliens are on Earth to mine gold. They view humans as “insects” and are collecting some to study so they can exterminate them all later. This made me frown slightly for several reasons, which I shall illustrate by the insertion of real vermin into the equation:

Human miners are searching for gold, but the mine tunnels are infested with nasty bitey sewer rats. They trap them with intricate nets, cage them in the back of their living area, and take them out one by one to dissect them on their lunch breaks. Unfortunately, the rest of the nest gets pissed and comes pouring into the living area. The human miners arm themselves, and pin the rats one by one to the wall and tear off their faces with their teeth.

…what?

No, what the miners do is they shoot any rat they happen upon with their guns, blow up the nest if they can find it, and maybe cart a corpse home to skin and stick on the barbecue if rations are running low. Why are they dissecting vermin if blowing them up is effective and mining is their real goal? And why, oh why, when they’re fighting mano a mano, does face-eating always come into it? I understand it makes them creepier, but I’d rather the aliens were either fighting or out scouting for tasty noms, not using their dietary habits as an offensive weapon. You have guns! Shoot people with them! (Plus, you don’t know where that human’s been. Go wash him first.)

Of course, that would be a much shorter movie.