Property assessment

Things normal people do not find humor in: county property assessment websites.

I know what causes it, of course. It’s that once you spend too much time in one, delving it its inner workings, you start to discover its soul. From there, you can find the humor of it truly on its own terms. Either that, or you’re incredibly punchy.

The reason Ye Olde Day Job cares about property assessment websites is that they list the build dates for each building on a piece of property. (God bless governments and the records they keep for taxes: it’s a staple through all of history) If something’s older than 50 years, we know that we’ll likely have to at least look at it, if not record it properly. At one point a year or two back, I followed a transmission line through property parcels over what felt like at least a quarter of the total width of the state of Washington. It took a good full workday or two to complete. That was punchy, especially when encountering odd owners’ surnames. It also led to the infamous potato barn incident, wherein I asked a friend what made the barn for potatoes, that I kept finding listed, different than a regular barn. This particular friend does freelance articles for an agricultural magazine, so she was fully able to provide me with more information that I had dreamed existed on this earth about potato barns.This week’s project was much shorter–maybe 15 or 20 parcels to look up in King and Pierce county. (Another sign of too much time on county websites: when start a list of favorites and a shitlist. I’m looking at you, Clallam) In many cases, the information is just plain interesting. (Do you know exactly when your apartment complex was built? I do!) I was following undeveloped parcels along the river, which meant things like City of [City] Sewer District and other local government owners. I’m trundling along, glancing at the owners while I check for old houses when suddenly I encounter UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

It’s very emphatic. For some reason, “federal land” is mundane and boring while OWNER: UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is inexplicably hilarious. Why, hello there, UNCLE SAM. Nice to see you around the place.