Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy most holiday decorations, though as an occupational (or perhaps serious hobby..ial?) hazard, I have a little more trouble with the music. This weekend has held some doozies, however.
First up was a display of cinnamon sugar pine cones at the store. I paused by them, pondering whether cinnamon sugar was involved, or if there were sugar pines. I’d heard of sugar maples, but one doesn’t so much look forward to delicious pine syrup on the breakfast table. (When checking online, I discovered this page, which is very excited about the topic of pines!! Look at all those exclamation points!!!) They were extremely cinnamony sugar pine cones, because even swathed in plastic, their scent jumped up and mugged my nose when I paused too long.
Then I had an excellent example of the Trouble with Christmas Music, part 3(b) at the next store.
Here is the Trouble with Christmas Music official list of ways you can record Christmas music:
1. Straight versions of classics. This requires actual talent, and most stores seem to have decided it’s boring. Get someone with a nice voice to sing a beloved tune? Perish the thought! Though given the length of time they have to fill and the limited number of classics, perhaps they are instead striking a welcome blow against repetition. You decide.
2. New songs with Christmas as a theme from popstars. Shmaltz is high, given that the subject matter seems to be (a) Christmas is wonderful (b) our love is wonderful so we should be together on Christmas
3. New versions of classics.
(a) Versions that are beautiful, but drive people who’ve sung the classic version too many times absolutely up the freaking wall because the rhythm is just that little bit off.
(b) Versions that seem to figure that since all the beautiful, melodic ways of singing the song have all been taken, the only way to be different is to be bad. (I don’t include the purposely bad here, such as the dogs barking jingle bells, because they’re self-aware. True 3(b)s think they recorded a legitimately creative version)
In any case, yesterday I was treated to a version of Jingle Bells so nasal that I could only think it was performed by Joey the Human Kazoo and his trusty computer sitar effect.
On the work front, I have another example of Real Archaeology, as encountered in ye olde day job. Currently, I’m working at a local museum to rehouse a collection from the seventies that’s an earlier excavation of a site my company did recent work at. (I told someone that at a party, and they were very confused as to why the seventies was old enough to have archaeological value.) It was in fact excavated in the seventies, and boy did they have some issues with housing stuff back then.
A couple of soil samples were in these:
Those in the area know this grocery store no longer exists. I found the cauliflower recipe funny for its directions: “chop green onions (very fine, please)”. NO, PRINTED RECIPE. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME. The avocado recipe, I found utterly inexplicable.
I made fun of the avocado recipe before, but several people informed me that avocado ice cream is quite good. I’ll…take their word for it. In case you have a desperate hankering for a frozen avocado honey concoction, here is the recipe in readable format:
Avocado Slush
2 avocados (ripe)
1/3 tsp. salt
3 limes (juice only)
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1/2 lemon rind (grated)
1/3 strained honey
Peel avocados and press pulp through strainer. Add remaining ingredients, blend, pour onto refrigerator tray and freeze 3 hours. Stir before serving as a dessert.
I’ll be over here, making gagging gestures.
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